Why Ron Won't Eat Yogurt
by lightblue-Nymphadora
Summary: Newlyweds Ron and Hermione are getting used to living together. Hermione introduces Ron to Greek yogurt as a healthy snack option, but something goes wrong... RonxHermione. One-shot; humor.


Ron picked out a cart and took Hermione's hand, smiling. "Okay, how do we do this?"

Hermione grinned at him. "You're really up for this, aren't you?"

"Well, we're happily married now," he said. "What happens the first time you get held up and I need to shop and cook? Look at this place!" He indicated the vastness of their lovely neighborhood Sainsbury's. "I'd get lost in the bread aisle and you or Harry would have to come rescue me. And then Ginny would hear about it, and I'd be the family shame-goat for the rest of my life."

An elderly couple behind them were sniggering.

Hermione quirked an eyebrow at him.

He laughed. "What I'm saying is, it's better that you teach me how to shop now, rather than later."

"You know...I think my habit of overthinking has rubbed off on you."

"Maybe." He reached out to grab a sandwich from the Ready Meals, and yelped when Hermione slapped his hand away. "What?"

"We can get bread and deli meat and make our own sandwiches for the price of that," she explained, pulling him toward the produce aisle.

"Not broccoli," Ron whined. "There aren't many things I won't eat, but broccoli's one of them."

"Really?" Hermione asked. "How has this never come up before? Things you won't eat is definitely something we should have discussed before we got married." She smirked at his long-suffering expression.

"Mum was afraid we weren't getting enough vegetables once - me and Ginny - and broccoli was on sale at the market. Three weeks of it will put anyone off a food."

"Okay," Hermione said, chuckling. "No broccoli. I suppose carrots are acceptable."

"Yes, perfectly acceptable."

"What else is forbidden territory for you?" she asked as they strolled through the store, swatting his hand every time he tried to drop unnecessary snack items into their cart.

"Won't have anything to do with lima beans, but no one likes them. 'cept your dad," he added in afterthought. "And he only started liking them in Australia, so I'm blaming that on the...er...circumstances."

Hermione rolled her eyes as she grabbed a carton of eggs.

"Oh, and I don't like eggs benedict," Ron said. "That could be due to Charlie's underdeveloped cooking skills, though."

"Charlie tried to cook eggs benedict?" Hermione asked in horror. She'd finally met the last Weasley sibling after the war. Charlie had been opposite of what she'd expected - quiet and sweet rather than the boistrous dragon-loving madman she'd pictured. He had a quick wit about him, and had endeared himself to her by running hilarious commentary as the family had a game of cricket in the back garden. However, she'd been introduced to his one major failing when he attempted to make cinnamon toast the next day before they all went shopping. There were still scorch marks in the Weasley's kitchen….

"Yep. I'm sure that made properly it would be lovely, but I'm traumatized. That's about it for me. What about you? What should I skip when I try to woo you on Valentine's day?"

"Licorice, turnip greens, anything with walnuts, and cilantro. Not a big fan of prawns, either, now I think about it."

"We need to post a list to the refrigerator when we get home. What's that?"

"Yogurt?"

"But it says Greek yogurt. Is it different somehow?"

"It's a slightly different texture. Don't worry," she said, catching his skeptical expression, "you'll enjoy it. It goes great with fruit."

"If you say so."

"Let's go to the bakery, and then I think we're done."

* * *

Ron stretched as he got up from the couch. He had the week off - the Appleby Arrows weren't playing, and thus didn't need their manager every day. He was on call, in case something happened during practice, but he'd been enjoying having a lazy day so far. The television Hermione had bought was very entertaining. He'd never tell her (or Harry), but he was really enjoying Coronation Street. There was a marathon on, and he needed a snack before the next episode started.

He rummaged through the refrigerator and pulled out a small carton of Greek yogurt with honey. It had taken a while, but it had grown on him. That was lucky, since Hermione was dead set on keeping him healthy, and wouldn't allow any doughnuts, store-bought cookies, or anything by the wonderful Mr. Kipling, into the house. Sure, he had a box of angel slices and Bramley apple pies in his office, but he still had to have a snack for home.

Ron plopped back onto the couch as a small news segment began.

"...looking at a few warm, sunny days this week. The annual Southbank festival is scheduled to begin in a fortnight, and the performances lined up include…."

Ron tuned it out for a moment, flipping through a broom magazine. He snapped back to attention when he heard:

"...more on the story of the Greek yogurt, sperm bank mix up as new information…"

Yogurt and honey spewed across the coffee table. Ron gagged, dropped the now empty cup, and bolted for the bathroom.

* * *

Hermione hummed to herself as she entered the flat. She smiled, smelling food cooking. She dropped her bag and coat by the door and kicked off her shoes. When she wandered into the kitchen, about to tell Ron that dinner smelled wonderful, she spotted something on the refrigerator next to their "No-no foods" list. Ron was nowhere to be seen, and she thought it could be a note. Perhaps he went to see Harry.

It was another list of "Things Ron Won't Eat". It read:

Yogurt

Yogurt

Yogurt

Yogurt

Yogurt

Yogurt.

DO NOT BUY YOGURT!

Completely perplexed, Hermione walked through the flat. "Ron?" she called.

"Yrrrmf!"

She pushed the bathroom door open to find her husband brushing his teeth. "Ron...what's up? What's with the yogurt note? And didn't I just buy that toothpaste?" she asked, pointing to a now half-empty tube.

"No. More. Yogurt."

"Yes, I rather got that. Why?"

"Sperm."

**Hermione blinked, and decided she didn't want to know. "I'm going to check on dinner."**


End file.
